Kennyisawesome

Here We Go Again !!!

2009-08-18T15:46:00.002+08:00

It has been sometime since I've blogged. I know I've promised some that I will be blogging during my Turkey Trip but I guess I've been too busy having fun over there in Turkey.

Now that school has started, things are not going as smoothly as I would like it to be. I am doing 4 modules, 3 TA-ships and an Overseas Community project. It is really a huge huge load. Before school reopen, I was feeling really excited and I wanted to get into the pile of CRAP I have and then work on it. However, after the first 2 day of school, I am not feeling that excited anymore.

Firstly, for my Accounting Information System (AIS) Class, I prayed so hard that we will not be in the same class and there she was. Though we did not talk, she sms-ed me after the class telling me that she was not sure how to approach me. I did not reply of course.

Secondly, I just went to my International Economics Class and i came out feeling super confused. I've forgotten most of my Econs stuff. Gotta start reading the text and understand what I've been missing out.

Thirdly, in order to rectify the situation in point 1, I am bidding another module so that I can drop AIS. The module I wanted to bid for is Income Tax. I bidded at $87.50 initially until i realised that there were more than 8 people bidding for the modules. I do not know if they are in year 1 or what but if they are juniors, they should not have enough e$ to bid for the mods. I've increased my bid to $90.

I am just hoping that things will go my way after this week so I can start chionging hard and then at least survive this semester with a decent result. ROAR !!!!

That's all for now. I shall update again once there are more news about MYSELF.

Christmas is here !

2009-06-08T08:43:00.002+08:00

Christmas is coming in about 14 hours time ! HAHHAA ! You must be thinking what the F**K am I talking about. HAHHAHA ! I am going to be in Turkey !!! I know it is damn lame but I am leaving Singapore ! WOO HOO !! Gonna see my best friend (International Category) soon and I am feeling quite happy about it.

I am not exactly feeling 100% because i think I am down with some coughing and cold but I don;t think it is the global virus. Must the the damn vaccination that I took on Thursday that is causing all these. For some stupid reason I am not typing too well too. MUAHAHA ! Anyway, see you all in about 1 months time ! I should be on facebook quite often posting pictures and etc etc etc. Just keep a lookout for it !

I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL !

2009-05-31T19:04:00.003+08:00

I spent my saturday celebrating birthdays. FIRST was Shelina's Birthday Celebration at the Botanical Gardens. SECOND was HENRY (Shel's bf) at St James Power Station.

FIRST ROUND
Shelina's birthday was situated in the Botanical Gardens. I haven't been there for ages but I must say it was fun just sitting with friends and having a picnic as a birthday celebration. Before heading for the Botanical Gardens, I had to wait for my OWNER and +1 for the day, Ms Alex Choong, aka Chubby Tummy. I was nice enough to fetch her to Botanical Gardens. We went to Serangoon gardens to collect Shel's chocolate cake before heading to the Botanical Gardens.

The event was supposed to start at 4.30pm. Alex and I got there about 4.15pm and we were hoping to see people that we know there. When we got there, we were looking for brown skinned looking individuals but to no avail. We decided to to "picnic mat" hopping. After 15 minutes, we concluded that Shelina was not there yet. We gave her a call at about 4.40pm and she was on Eunos and on her way down to the Botanical Gardens. We were instructed to reserve a plot of land on the HUGE open grass patch while we waited for her arrival. Alex and I decided a location between 2 palm trees and a super hot sun to roast us to a medium rare state.

When Shelina arrived, it was pure manual work from then on because she prepared food enough to feed a whole army when there were only less than 10 people who attended the event. The food was not too bad but I was busy drinking water and soft drinks because the weather was so hot. Games were played and a german little girl, Victoria, decided to join us in the games and beat us flat because we helped her to cheat. BUT, she lost to me in the Final Round of TWISTER. The battle was so intense that we tore the twister mat that was handmade from a piece thin plastic sheet. One super weird thing happened to me when I was walking back to the picnic ground after collecting the birthday cake from my car. I thought that I saw Rebecca Hoon, my second girlfriend. I was not sure if it was really her because the dog that the girl was cleaning up is not the breed that she had. I did not verify or see clearly also. The sky was already dark. Anyway, we decided to retreat from the place when it started to drizzle.

As we were retreating from the botanical gardens, I drove Denise, Alex and Gurpreet back to Tampines. It was then they told me that there was a follow up event and they are going to CLUB !!! The last time I went clubbing was on my birthday with Cuci and the rest of the international students and I remember puking. HAHAHAHA ! As I was driving to Tampines, I was already feeling tired because I woke up really early and I was just feeling lethargic, so I was not sure if I should go. In the end, after much thinking and persuasion from my +1, I decided to go. I managed to persuade Jia Hao to go also. I used emotional blackmail to make him say YES ! HAHAHAHA !

SECOND ROUND

The group decided to meet outside St James Power Station at 11.30pm. I was there early because the North East Line was just so efficient. I met Jia Hao and Alex first and were went into MODIVA to see see look look first. We met up with Henry and the rest about 15 minutes later and IT WAS TIME TO PARTY ! Had some drinks and watched Henry got dragged onto the stage to dance and for people to sing Happy Birthday Song to him. After which, we went to the Boiler Room several times and IT ROCKS ! I thought the live band was really good and the performers were fantastic. I was really amazed how the performers danced certain easy moves and the people on the dance floor stood in rolls and did the same dance steps as the CHORUS comes in. Obviously I was doing the dance moves too ! HAHHAA ! I think the Alcohol that I drank at Modiva did me good as I decided to just "Dance" no matter how lousy a dancer I am. It is nice knowing that there are chics checking you out, but do not know what they are really thinking. Maybe they were thinking that this tall guy with an ugly hairstyle is such a joke. BLEHHHhh.. On other news, JIA HAO inspired me to want to take up Salsa class but I think i should go hunt for a salsa partner first. =)

There were a few highlights when I was at St James. First, when I was queueing to enter into Dragonfly, the bouncers grabbed this guy out from the premise and this guy was shouting in Hokkien, "SOMEONE WANT TO BEAT ME LEH ! x 10 times !" I think the head of security had to talk to that guy and his friends and try to resolve the problem. One of his friends face was scratched until I think his mother cannot recognize him liao. Second, as I was queueing to enter Dragonfly, i think the alcohol was kicking in and my vision went blank. I was still able to walk and talk, just that I could not see a thing in front of me. I could only see outlines of people. I asked Jia Hao to guide me to somewhere to sit and it was then I recovered in about 5-10 minutes. After which, it was time to PARTY again ! HAHAHAA ! Third, it was fun watching Alex getting wasted and trying very hard to walk straight. There came a point when she could not take it anymore and she MERLIONED at some quiet spot outside the club. When we decided to enter the club again, she ran into the toilet and decided to stay in the cubicle for about an hour plus. I suspect that she was hugging the toilet bowl and passed out. I left the club for home while Jia Hao waited for her to come out.

Overall, I had lots of fun last night and I thought it could have lasted longer if Shelina and the gang did not need to leave so early. HAHAHA !!! I would definitely do it again and it is time to train my drinking tolerance already. I felt like a late bloomer in the clubbing scene. I really never thought that I would enjoy clubbing but maybe during my younger years, clubs were just filled with smoke and I did not want to die young but being a passive smoker. I think the best I can look forward to now is my clubbing sessions in Turkey !

Freedom is near (Version 2.0)

2009-05-27T09:13:00.005+08:00

I can smell my freedom already.. In about 28 hours, all these will be over and I can start enjoying my summer. There is no need for me to work and I can just think of what to do and just play my ass off. But the main issue is that I need an activity partner !!! I sort of thought of what I will do for my one week before I fly off to have more fun outside of Singapore.

Friday - 29 May 2009
Watch 2 movies and go to the library to borrow a travel book on Turkey.

Saturday - 30 May 2009
Shelina's Birthday @ Botanical Gardens @ 5pm

Sunday - 31 May 2009
Church in the morning, lunch with church mates, still planning..

Monday - 1 Jun 2009
Breakfast @ Ikea with Ah Qing, Lunch with "Green Jacket", maybe go watch my friends play in a band thingie..

Tuesday - 2 Jun 2009
Dental appointment, lunch with victoria, research on Turkey

Wednesday - 3 Jun 2009
Still planning...

Thursday - 4 Jun 2009
Still planning...

Friday - 5 Jun 2009
Still planning...

Saturday - 6 Jun 2009
Still planning...

Sunday - 7 Jun 2009
Secondary School Gathering @ Sentosa.

Monday - 8 Jun 2009
LEAVE SINGAPORE @ 0945 hrs !!!!

I am supposed to be preparing for my strategy paper tomorrow but yet I am SLACKING and thinking of what to do for the hols !!! DAMN IT !!!

CHICKEN CHOP 加鸡蛋 ONE !!!

2009-05-25T18:52:00.003+08:00

I was back in Temasek Polytechnic (TP) today supposedly to study and prepare a case study for my MGMT 102 STRATEGY final exams !!! It is great that the end is near but one thing that keeps haunting me is my results. Haiz. I just do not have the mood this summer to push on for this summer module. I will most probably be paying $900 for a B or a B+. HAIZ. But anyhow, at least this module is over for me. WOO HOO !

Went back to TP and had breakfast at Business School. It really brought back a lot of memories of the days when I was part of the elite. Now, I am part of the road sweepers, cleaners and construction workers, but it is nonetheless fun. Had my bee hoon with egg and luncheon meat. The standard of the food dropped a bit but overall still edible. After which, I decided to do a surprise spot check at School of Business Level 6, HR lecturers office. I got to meet all of the lecturers who used to teach me but most importantly, I was there for Mrs Tay Mee Chin. She has a class at 9am on Human Resource Management so I asked if I could crash her class and sit in for the presentations. HAHA ! SHE SAID OK ! I chatted with the other lecturers before heading for the HRM class.

There were 5 presentations today and they were all about Orientation at work. That is the crux of the problem that was given to the class at the beginning of the term. When I made a comparison between my batch and the new batch of students, I feel that the older generations are still better. The class that I attended were filled with Final Year students but I did not feel that they were in their Final Year. They were more like freshmen going to second year. Honestly, I was not impressed by any of the presenters or presentations. They really could done better. The only thing that entertained me was this guy who said, "You should start from scratch. COME ON ! Scratch my back !" After the class ended, it was time to do what I came to do. I told Mrs Tay that I want to step down as President from the Alumni and she said OK ! That was easy. HAHAHA !

Afterwards, I went to meet WQ at the library and started doing my Strategy case. HAHA ! The library in TP is like a freaking hawker centre.. Damn noisy.. At 1.30pm, it was time for lunch and I had my CHICKEN CHOP 加鸡蛋 (add egg) at Design School Canteen. SHIOK ! It was time to take my temperature again after lunch and WQ decided to go to Engineering School for the scan as he assumes they are more convenient because they are using thermal imaging scanner. As he walks towards the machine, he was told to walk through the whole line again because he was RED ! (meaning he might be having a fever). When he walked the second round, he was still RED and I thought that is it and they are going to send him onto an Ambulance and off he goes to Changi General Hospital. He asked to go to the General Office to measure his temperature. When he got outside the school of business, he was told that he does not need to take his temperature in the afternoon since he was being given the green light in the morning ! -_- """ TP is not a safe place.

When we head back to the library, it was damn sway. The security decided to check for matric card. Obviously, I do not have ONE so I declared myself as an Alumni. I was then referred to the information/service counter. I told the service staff that I am an alumni and she asked if I am a member of the library. I stupidly said Yes since I am an alumni. The lady asked for my identification and I gave her my SMU matric card. When she checked and my account was not there, she decided to check with her officer. I told her it is ok, I will just leave the library and I wanted to take my SMU matric card back, but she just took it into her office. When she came out, she said this to me with a smirk face, "I guess it is time for you to leave." I think she must be feeling damn high that she got to do this. She must have been fantasizing this scenario for too long and FINALLY she got it. AHHHHHH !!! I was damn irritated and I just left school after collecting my belongings. I was thinking to myself, "Is this what I get for contributing so much for this school?" Our bloody alumni President better do something about it ! Damn it ! Like lowering the annual subscription fees to use the library !

Anyway, don't want to think too much about it already ! Tomorrow is going to be a great day because lunch is going to be special ! WOO HOO ! Summer Term will end on 28 May 2009 (Thursday). So just endure and get it over with !!! It will then be TURKEY, HERE I COME !!

每个人都有追求幸福的权利

2009-05-13T23:33:00.003+08:00

Sometimes bitterness and hatred is not going to get us too far. There is really no point harboring all those angry thoughts of what people has done against you or made you really unhappy. It is their choice and if they choose the path that is going to lead them to hell and you've already tried your best talking to them, the best thing to do is to let them be and hope that they are happy with the choice they choose.

I think learning to let go is a key skill to attain a happier life. If we can let go what we have decided to take up from the start, things will just resume to status quo as per before the commitment was taken up. For example, let's look at relationships. Before we took it up, we were living a certain lifestyle that made us happy and our lives may be enrich by other activities such as hanging out with friends and going for suppers and etc. When we get into a relationship, our lifestyle will change drastically and our partner is almost the only thing in our lives. If the relationship ends, it is a damn crappy feeling because we might suddenly feel lost and not knowing what to do. However, if we remember what kind of lifestyle that we were living which made us happy before we got into that relationship and we can let go of that past relationship and move back to status quo, life will be easier to live.

I was not really happy over the last few months because of what happened after my recent failed relationship. However, one friend gave me an advice that "每个人都有追求幸福的权利" which means everyone has the right to pursue his/her happiness. If she is happier with someone else, then let it be and let it go. You should just go and find your own happiness. There are more important things in life that we should concentrate on than let a girl hold you back.

I took a pretty long time to remember what I used to do in the past and resume my lifestyle to my status quo. Now that I am almost reaching my status quo of my life, things are looking much better. I realized that it is best to socialize without any expectations and let nature takes it course. If things turn out to be at your benefit, then it is good for you. If it does not turn to benefit you, you do not lose anything if you can just let go and return to your status quo.

I have made a decision to be HAPPY. I think that it is what we ought to and must do in our lives.

The Great Hunt.

2009-05-12T11:21:00.007+08:00

It has been 5 months since my prey ran away and I haven't had the mood to go on the hunt again. I just laid my trap there without any bait. But then I have already decided to stay vegetarian for a while. I think that I have taken too many lives and I should rest for a while. Being an active hunter for 6 years, it is time to put my gun down and go for a Sabbatical. Moreover, my fellow huntress have already told me that she is going to BOX me if I go on the hunt again. HAHAHA !!! So I must be nice and eat vegetables only. No point getting hunted down and get hurt. To make things worse, I do not have any insurance to claim.

Hmmmm.. Even though I have not been actively keeping a lookout for the prized hunt, a few potential ones have been passing by and hovering around my hunting grounds. I am praying hard that they will not be so careless and step into my empty traps or else I will have to kill them and not let them suffer to their death.

Haiz.. Just let nature takes it course ! Woo Hoo!

On other news, I met my church friends yesterday with special guest appearance by Mr Goh Teng Huat. He used to be the youth coordinator for the church but now he is doing missionary work in GuangZhou, China. It was great to see him and listen to what he has to share about China. Last night was like the gathering of all the people of my generation when I was still very active and fresh in the church. The best thing is that we're reliving the things that we use to do during that time.. Playing pool.. Going for suppers.. and just hanging out... Somehow, my life is really getting more meaningful and the things that I have been talking about with people is really helping me to think deeper... I guess I am in the midst of being retuned to my high performance standard again. Bigger engine capacity, higher top speed, improved fuel efficiency and of course, better aesthetics such as leather seats, automated controls and bigger rims (not describing a belly) !

5 Years ago..

2009-05-11T13:04:00.002+08:00

About 5 years ago, I was working in the Province of Binh Duong, Vietnam as part of my internship program. In fact, my internship was quite relax and very enriching. I was given the autonomy to propose anything that I see that the company was lacking. My expertise was in Human Resource Management. It was during that time where I got to hang out very often in the F&B restaurant.

I remember there was an evening during my first week in the company, I sat at the open air restaurant and then this waitress came up to me and said "WHO ARE YOU !?!?!" And she went, "Hi, I am Lena.. Nice to meet you.." I was kind of shocked by her actions that I sat there dumbfounded for a second. HAHHA ! SHe went on to become one of my good friend and outing buddy during my internship. Guess what, she is not bad looking too ! HAHHA ! One of the prettier waitress at the restaurant. Too bad, nothing happened between the both of us.

I did visit the company again when I went back to Vietnam for a holiday with my ex-girlfriend. However, I did not manage to see Lena because she was on off or something like that. About a year ago in Singapore, I was on the MRT train and I saw Jacky, the Head Chef of the F&B Department, and I was shocked to see him in Singapore and it was such a coincidence. What is the probability that he enters into the same train carriage at the right time? I heard from him that the girls also came to Singapore and when I wanted to get their hotel details, Jacky told me that they were leaving in about 2 hours time. Not fated to see Lena again..

HAHA ! About a week ago, I decided to check my yahoo Email Account and I've already abandoned that email account for like ages. I had about 1400 ++ mails in my inbox. It was then that I saw an email sent to me by LENA ! Coincidentally, it was sent on the same day that I decided to check my Yahoo Account ! HAHAHA ! I think it is fated that I am not going to lose this friend. MUAHAHA ! So we began emailing each other again and I tried to see if there are any other channels to communicate with her. She does not have facebook and she does not use MSN and she does not have Skype. However, she uses Yahoo Messenger. I decided then to just install the damn application so I can talk to her REAL TIME. HAHAHA !

Last night, I finally got to talk to her REAL TIME and she asked if I got a web cam because she wanted to see how I look like after 5 years. My web cam usually does not work for MSN so I do not know if it is going to work for Yahoo Messenger. I clicked on the web cam button and the BLOODY THING WORKS !! HAHHA !! I got a chance to see how she looks also and she still looks the same whereas I got a bit FAT. HAHAHA ! And thanks to technology, we managed to talk again using VOIP !! HAHAHA ! It is great to hear from her again and get to know what is happening to my other good friends in Vietnam. My conversation with her made me want to return back to Vietnam to visit them again. HAHAHHA ! I hope that I can make a short detour to Vietnam during my trip to Cambodia since they are just neighbours. SEE HOW IT GOES !!!!

Deja Vu

2009-05-08T17:22:00.002+08:00

Those feelings of bitterness and hatred came back into me for a short while today. I saw a "friend" of mine with some guy she likes. You might thinking.. SO what is up with that ?? The key issue is that my "friend" has a BOYFRIEND and that guy she was with today is not her boyfriend. She is thinking of ending her 3 year relationship with her boyfriend whom she has deemed hopeless and being with him will not give her anymore happiness. What I cannot take it is that the whole situation is sooo damn similar to what had happened to me over the last few months. But this is worse for her boyfriend because I think her boyfriend is not aware of all these "outings" and they have not broken up yet. She has left him hanging in the air and waiting for an outcome.

My respect for her has officially dropped to ZERO and I am 100% against what she is doing right now because it is unethical and morally not right. I think that she has lost her values and in the midst of her weaknesses, she has fallen into a trap that is going to hurt her even more in the future. When a girl is vulnerable, any guy who is just average nice will be perceived as many times better than the old one because of the negative perception that she already has on the old one and this is when a bad decision will be made. People have tried talking to her about it but then she still prefers the new one. If she really prefers the new one, then just end the old one and do not let him suffer anymore. Haiz. I think if she still does not wake up her idea soon, no one will be willing to come to her rescue if anything happens. Her closest friends are starting to give up on her already.

For my case, at least I was aware of what went on thanks to my super investigative skills and she has broken up with me but what I could not take as the quick change of heart. It is like a TRADE and change of ownership. Relationships should not be so heartless. However, I must agree to something that I saw on facebook a few months ago. A broken relationship is like a broken glass. No matter how hard you try to put it back, it will still be broken and there is no point getting yourself hurt again by trying to pick it up. I tried picking the broken glasses up again which led me to get hurt even more. It hurt so much that even plasters cannot help and the only solution was to sweep it up and throw it into the dustbin. Things did got better after I decided to sweep it away.

ORACLE

2009-05-07T14:43:00.002+08:00

I had a meeting with Joyce at her office and she shared with her about ORACLE's Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) program and what they have been doing. I shared with her about what I have been doing for my Project in Cambodia and my main purpose in meeting her is to see if there is any way ORACLE can come in to provide some form of support, either financially or any donation in kind. However, I think she is also in need of ideas to expand Oracle's CSR program. I will try to see if I can generate any new ideas for her to help her out a bit. We discussed so many things and I think we need to decide which is important and develop some action plan for it.

On other news, I had another pool session with the guys last night and it was pretty fun. That is our second pool session over the last 2 months ?? Managed to win some of the racks by luck. I think the highlight of the night is that TIMO has decided to get facebook. This means that Hazel has to get facebook too ! HAHHA ! Hmmm... Don't know what else to say already..

I just want a day that I can just do nothing but nothing and slack...........

I survived.

2009-05-04T15:43:00.004+08:00

I know that I have posted in my previous post that I am going to post about my experience in Cambodia but I'm feeling damn lazy to type everything out !!! I have decided to keep everything to myself and just remember as much of the experience I got from the trip as I can. HAHAHHA !!! The general conclusion from my trip is that I have learnt a lot from the country and I will definitely go back again when I have the chance to and that is most probably in August if the Swine Flu situation does not get worse. I am sooo tempted to book the tickets now because it is so damn cheap but then like Jacq said, there is a risk. Because of what Jacq said, I am just waiting and praying hard that everything will be under control soon.

Anyway, I got back my exams results. Overall, it is not too bad even though it really could have been better. However, I still thank GOD for whatever I got because the results were better than my initial forecast of straight Bs and B+(s). My cumulative GPA just drop by 0.01 which is not too bad. I should be happy about it because I was expecting worse. I guess whatever happened to me over the last few months and the start of 2009 was a trial that I just need to go through. I will make a comeback when Year 3 starts and I believe there will be people who are joining me in the frontline fighting this war. The war is just going to get worse if my application for a secondary degree in Accountancy is successful. HAHHA ! Application opens on 11 May 2009.

I am into the second week of Summer Term and everything is going on fine so far. 3 MORE WEEKS BEFORE IT ALL ENDS !!! I think that I have made a good decision taking Strategy over the summer term because the course content is lesser. Assignments have been reduced from 3 to 2 and there is not need to do a report for the team project, just a presentation will do. NOT BAD RIGHT ??? HAHA !!! After Summer Term, TURKEY HERE I COME !!!

I have already inforned my Turkish counterpart about my flight details and everything. I am excited to go visit Turkey but then with all the Swine Flu spreading around the world, my parents are worried and they might just ask me to stay in SG. Haiz. I can only hope that everything will be under control within the next month and I can FLY AWAY from Singapore !!! I think it will be a good experience because I have never been to that part of the world and i think it will ROCK MY SOCKS off. HAHA !!! I think I must try to find time to research about Turkey and decide where I would like to visit.. I must prepare to immerse myself in their culture..

I am still looking forward to the rest of 2009 despite what is happening right now.

HELLO FROM CAMBODIA !

2009-04-24T07:45:00.003+08:00

At this moment in time, it is 6.45am in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Today is my 4th day in Cambodia and everything is extremely good so far. The country is similar to Vietnam but my experiences here as of now are more exciting. I shall give a more detailed description when I am back in Singapore.

In general, I visited another province in Cambodia on my first day, took a boat ride to a Village, stayed one night in the village, experience village life, visited local markets, visited the community that I will be working with, ate Khmer food, wore Cambodia's "Kroma" (intending to buy a few more back, look at beautifil sunrises and sunsets, and etc etc.

I will be back on 25 Apr 2009 and I will write more when I get my own laptop. My fingers and hands are hurting now because the Keyboard here is damn tough!

Leaving on a Jetstar Plane

2009-04-20T22:15:00.002+08:00

In about 8 hours, I will be on my way to Phnom Penh, Cambodia, for my Overseas Community Service Project Recce Trip. I am contemplating now whether I should go to sleep or just wait till I fly off. HAHAHAHHA ! I think I will just die in Cambodia for the first day.

I think for this semester, I will just be an average SMU student scoring average of Bs and B pluses. BP was really crap today. I did like the hardest multiple choice questions ever and I lost 7 mark because of my poor attention. I hope my Prof will give me sympathy marks. Just pray for a miracle. Had ethics today as well but it was all about writing and writing and writing until the time is up.

Went to watch a movie with QING2 after ethics. Watched Jackie Chan's "Shinjuku's incident" and I thought it was not a bad movie despite mixed reviews from my friends. HAHAHA ! This is the show that Jackie Chan is not fighting at all. HAHAHA ! Had dinner at Ma Maison afterwards and it was a good meal to pamper/comfort myself after one semester of torture (emotionally, physically and mentally).

SUMMER 2009 is here and exciting events are going to happen real soon ! WOO HOO ! LIKE TOMORROW !!!!

Life of Simplicity, Confessions and Forgiveness

2009-04-19T11:02:00.007+08:00

I went to church this morning despite feeling damn
lazy and tired and wanted to use EXAMS as an excuse
not to go to church this morning. However, the effort
to attend service this morning was well worth it.

I think God is showing more signs to me on how I will
be able to live my life to the fullest and how can I feel
good not just on the outside, but also the inside.

The message today was really applicable to my current
state of life. The main crux of the message is on the
factors needed for spiritual disciples to grow. The
following are the TEN factors:

1. Scripture.
2. Prayer.
3. Worship.
4. Solitude.
5. Stewardship.
6. Sharing the faith.
7. Simplicity.
8. Fasting.
9. Confessions and Forgiveness.
10. Perseverance.

I am not going to blog about all the factors but TWO
factors, Simplicity and Confessions and Forgiveness,
that I felt strongly about.

Last night, I was talking to Parkapan (I know it sounds like a
cartoon character's name but that is her real name) about
school stuff and etc and she was telling me about how she
prefers her life to be simple and she do not need to worry
so much about the future. Just live life simple and things
will be easier. She feels that my life is too "CHIM" or too
complicated or too deep to understand. I just told her that
we are at different levels of life.

I realized at this moment in my life, I am just bogged down
with too many commitments and I am unable to work on all
of them at once. It has reached a point that I have decided to
drop everything and leave my plate empty for the next 2 years.
It is time for me to recover. With all those commitments, my life
got too complicated for me to handle. Things were not supposed
to be so difficult for me but it just devoured me physically,
emotionally and mentally. I guess I was the one who is to blame
for my own plight by taking on too much things to prove myself.
Now that I have made the decision to rest for the next 2 years,
things seems simpler and easier to handle. I just need to deal
with my school work and I might spend my extra time taking
courses to redevelop myself. If I had taken my failed relationship
more simply, I would not have gone through so much EMOism
and life would be so much happier.

Even though I have decided to stay single for a while and let
bygones be bygones, there is still a sense of bitterness in me
against her because I just cannot accept the fact that her heart has
changed so quickly. She called me yesterday to ask me about RAC
matters because she is in the new committee as the Treasurer. It
has been about a few weeks since we contacted because I have
decided to stop doing so and I do really feel better and the "letting
go" process is so much easier to bear. I just wanted to end the
conversation as quickly as I could because I do not really want to
talk to her anymore. Once her queries are answered, I just said Bye
and hung up. She smsed later and I just replied single lined SMS to
try to end the communication as soon as I could as well. I do not
really hate her in anyway, but I find it difficult to communicate with
her on other issues besides work. It is hard to forget the way that I
was treated by her and all the false hopes that she had given me
after we broke up. I am trying my best to forgive myself and her
and really let this episode of my life end but such matters take time
to resolve. I just pray that I can find the will to forgive and forget
everything that had happened between both of us so I can move on
to the next level of my life.

In fact, I think that I am moving on really well. I am going on outings to get to know more female friends and I have caring friends who are going to introduce their GREAT SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS to me. However, my intention is just to expand my social circle and not to get into another relationship because I am exhausted by all the emotional trauma after each and every relationship. The pain just gets worse each time a relationship ends because the stakes are bigger for each new relationship. It would also not be fair for the other girl if she is going to be treated by me as a substitute to be my companion and when I know that I cannot devote myself fully to her. Singlehood is really not too bad after I kind of gotten used to it over the last few weeks.

Exams are going to end tomorrow and SUMMER 2009 IS HERE !!! It is going to be hectic but I think this time round, it is going to be satisfying! *I hope* I will be in Cambodia on 21 Apr 2009 to 25 Apr 2009. If there are any matters, please email/sms me and I will get back to you as soon as I can. For extremely urgent matters, just call me.

MGMT 102 Sttrraaattteeegggyyyy

2009-04-18T17:54:00.004+08:00

HAHA ! Got my Strategy stuff today and the seller was nice
enough to tell me that my Prof is damn slack. MUAHAHA !!
Beside the photocopied version of the textbook, there were
FREEBIES as well ! As part of the package, the seller threw in
case studies answers and the exams questions with answers!
Hopefully the Prof is really that slack and will not change the
case studies that will be allocated to my summer class. HAHA!

2 more damn papers to go and I will be done. After which, I
just need to prepare myself mentally for the worse. I really
have no confidence at all for my exams this semester. It was
too traumatizing. BLEH !!!! Hmmmm... I've been talking and
having lunch with my Si Chuan Gang leader and she is one
hell of a joker. Met one of her Gay friend today who is also
from Si Chuan and HE WANTS TO KNOW ME !!! OMG !!!
Maybe I should consider him since I am now single. HAHA!!
But I really want to Thank the Si Chuan Gang Leader for
helping me out to secure some important information. I've
no idea how I am going to use those information but I am
sure that I will need more help from her in the future.
THANK GOD FOR INTERNSHIPS !! WOO HOO !!

动力火车 POWER STATION !!!

2009-04-18T09:55:00.005+08:00

I came to school quite early to finished up on my Ethics
readings on the various ethical theories. I have sort of
lost the steam to fight on for the last 2 papers after the
traumatizing paper on Thursday. I guess I will really feel
better if I lower the expectations of myself in SMU. But I
really do not want to do that. It is against what I believe
I was meant to do.

Had dinner with Shel and Chel last night at FIVE STAR
chicken rice. I don't really like the chicken rice there but
"someone" say that it is good. It was then Shel informed
us that she was rejected by SHELL. HAHAHA ! Imagine if
she were to work for them. "Good morning, this is Shel
from Shell, can I look for so and so?" *Chel was trying to
control her laughter at this point of time.* I also revealed
my deepest and darkest secret that I wanted to be a lorry
driver with a bachelor degree in Business.*Chel was also
trying to control her laughter at this point of time.* Had
Swensen's ice cream and that is after we tried looking for
Hiaggen-Daz along Tembling St and Gelare Cafe at East
Coast Beach. Both of these locations has ceased their
operations and we have to settle with Swensen's instead.
I usually do not like to eat a lot of ice cream but I had 3
scoops yesterday. I am going to get back my weight too
quickly if this diet carries on for the next few weeks

Spoke to Char Te last night. Haven't spoke to her for some
time but it was nice talking to her for a short while before
we decided to study for exams first and gossip more later
after exams. HAHA ! There are a lot of things to catch up
between RAC SMU and RAC NUS. Sounds like international
politics but on a smaller scale.

I was thinking about songs by Power Station and it was damn
EMO la. I was kinda smiling at myself because the song lyrics
made me think of the reason why I was depressed during the
first quarter of 2009 and I was kind of stupid. It was a saddd
process but it was well worth it !!! At least I know what I want
and what I do not want in my current state of life right now. I
have gotten used to singlehood and this is all thanks to a few
group of friends whom I can hang out with and have fun with.
HAHA !!! I thank GOD for them !!! At least I am happy most of
the time except for those times when I am alone, got nothing
to do and start thinking of stupid things.

I just want to get over this semester now !!! It will all be over
in 2 days time !!! Hip Hip Hurray !!! I just need to do something
else outside this routine. Come to think of it, this semester really
passed so fast and I will be in year 3 soon. Things should be
looking good for the rest of 2009. I just need to get my focus
back for good and firm up my directions in life and then work
towards it. I just need a new direction for me to drive myself
there and be satisfied with it.

MAYDAY MAYDAY !! I'VE BEEN HIT

2009-04-17T11:08:00.004+08:00

I had my first 2 paper for the final exam period
yesterday. I was kind of excited because I have
been waiting for sooooo long for my exams to
start. But my excitement was died down when
I saw the finance paper. I literally left about 20
marks worth of questions not done and it include
those that I think i will get wrong. I really had
suicidal thoughts after my paper because I put
in a lot of time in finance but yet I just could not
perform. HAIZ ! If I just had more time and it could
have been alright. I am not worried about failing
thepaper, I am worried about the grades that I'll
be getting. I guess the only way for me to feel
better is to lower my expectations but that is not
good either. HAHHA ! Due to the impact that I
have suffer from Finance, I had no mood to do
my political science paper afterwards. I started
out my war losing the most critical battle that
could have more or less determined the overall
outcome of the war. We shall see what happens
on Monday for my 2 other battles.

GOOD MORNING SMU !!!!!

2009-04-15T09:15:00.002+08:00

I was planning to come to school at about 6am this
morning but end up lazing around on my bed when
I woke up at about 5.30am. HAHA ! I only got to the
school library at about 8.30am. Bleh. =P

I AM EXCITED THIS MORNING !!! I don't really know
the exact reason but I think it is most probably due
to the fact that tomorrow is the START OF MY FIRST
PAPER !!! I have been waiting for way too long for my
exams to start and some of my friends have already
finished their exams. I think that I have a certain
streak going on for the last 4 semesters. My exams
all end on the last day of the examination period.
I think that it is good that I try to keep myself at this
level of excitement because there is a lot of work that
needs to be accomplish today. I have to look through
my Political Science essays, which I am supposed to be
doing now. HAHA !!!

It feels good to feel like me again. Somehow I am getting
back the same old feelings that I used to have when I was
still in poly and I LOVE THOSE FEELINGS !!! I look forward
to what is going to happen in the final 2 years of my Uni
life and I think that it is going to be rather exciting. I think
I've screwed up my first 2 years in SMU quite badly but I
did learned a lot from it. I learned more about myself and
the direction that I should be heading. It also feels nice to
be alone these days as it allows more time to reflect and
think about what I have been missing these days. I used
to be a firm believer that I do not need friends and I am
on my own. But, things are different these days. I have
found new friends and those whom I never thought were
my friends. HAHAHA ! They suddenly appear out of nowhere
when I was not at my best state. They were there to listen
and talk to me. Hmmmm.. Friends are quite a nice to have
around. MUAHAHAHA ! I think I will try out my new philosophy
of life and see what happens from it.

哭

2009-04-12T00:26:00.001+08:00

以前我看到朋友哭
我很羡慕
可是我怎么逗我自己
怎么弄我自己
我的眼泪都流不出

总觉得能够哭的朋友
都很幸福
能够把满腔的无奈
满腔的痛苦
让泪水带走

最苦是泪水哽在心头流不出
就象要爱却不懂怎么去爱
自己哭过后才明白
流过泪的眼睛
将生命看得更清楚

只有真正懂得付出的人
才懂得何为哭为何哭
再坚强的心偶尔也会脆弱
心会疼也也会感动
只有真正懂得付出的人
才懂得何为哭为何哭
泪水要记得为真心保留
眼泪别白白地流

The above chinese words are lyrics to a song by 阿牛 or Ah Niu.
It is about how he saw his friends cry and how envious was he
because no matter what he does to himself, he just cannot cry.
He felt that those who can cry are fortunate because they are
able to let the tears carry all their frustrations away. It is the
hardest when you want to cry but yet you can't. It is only after
you cry, then you will realise how much there is in life for you.
Only those who have lived out their life know why they should
cry. The toughest hearts may be weary at times, their hearts
may be in emotional pain at times but they will also be touched.
Remember to keep your tears for your true emotions and do not
let it go to waste and cry over incidents that are nothing.

I kinda like this song since it was out many years ago. I believe
the song was from Ah Niu's first album and this was back when
I was still in secondary school i think. HAHAHHA !

Suddenly got motivated..

2009-04-10T22:51:00.002+08:00

It has been a few days since I updated my blog. HAHAHA !
In fact, I wanted to do it a few days back but just can't put
myself to leaving my studies alone. HAHA ! Sounds like a
super mugger.

I spent the last 5 days on Political Science and I think it was
kinda not worth the time because the overall grade is only
worth 25% and the weightage for my other modules are like
40%-50% for the final examination component. BUT, what
the heck. I've already invested the time, so see what happens.
I think Professsor Alex is a nice person when his position is
not a lecturer but a friend. I think his exams plan this time
is really bad. ONE textbook is already enough to kill a normal
student but then he wants to test TWO of his text. To make
things worse, there is going to be 2 ESSAY questions for the
exams being picked out from a list of 20 questions, which is
good enough for a PHD Thesis, that he had given to us about
2 weeks before the exams.

I wanted to go back to school library now to start on Finance
but I just felt so lazy to go back after dinner. I gave myself
an excuse to rest since I've worked myself till I got sick over
the last 5 days. Finance can begin tomorrow !!! I can finally
begin mugging for my "favourite" subject.

Over the last few days, I have no idea what happened to me
but I felt really motivated and happy. Things were looking on
the bright side for me and I just feel good. It is kind of weird
but then it is good that my positivity is coming back to me
again despite this period of stress !!! I think certain decisions
that I have made over the last few days and weeks helped me
achieve to the state that I am currently in right now.

Examinations venue was released a 2 days back and I was
quite anxious to see where is the venue of my Finance paper.
I was hoping that the venue is not going to be some mass hall
in the admin building because I do not want to see her or that
guy during my finance paper. I think that I will not be able to
concentrate on my paper if I know that I am sitting for the paper
in the same room with them. EEEyyyyeeeeerrrrr !!! HAHAHAHA !!
However, by God's Grace, the finance paper are going to be held
in DIFFERENT rooms !! WOO HOO ! Thank God. At least, I can
concentrate on my paper and try to do well in it. =)

Most importantly, I am finally going and it is not just talk. I GOT
MY TICKETS TO ISTANBUL, TURKEY !!! I think that it is a sign that
I must go to Turkey to visit Cuci and her family and to visit other
places as well. Initially, when I booked the tickets, the price that
I was supposed to pay to Emirates was $1215. On the day before I
went to Emirates, I checked online on the pricing again just for the
fun of it. And Guess what ! I will save like almost $500 if I leave 2
days earlier and stay 3 days lesser in ISTANBUL ! Of course, the
rational choice is to cancel my previous booking and make a new
booking !!! As of 9th April 2009, at about 11am, I have confirmed
my flight to Istanbul, Turkey, when I paid $719 to the lady sitting
in the Emirates Head Office located at Park View Square. When she
got the money, she issued my E-tickets for my flight to ISTANBUL !
ROCK ON !!! HAHAAHA !!!

Although 2009 started quite badly for me, the rest of the year is
going to be damn exciting !!! The following is what's going to
happen to me tentatively from Apr 09 to Dec 09 for me. These
plans are more or less confirmed.

Kenny's Plan for the Rest of 2009
April 20th -- End of Exams !!!!!
April 21st to April 25th -- Flying to Phnom Penh, Cambodia
April 27th to May 31st -- SUMMER TERM 3A (MGMT102 Strategy)
Jun 8th to July 8th -- Flying to Turkey, Greece and Tunisia (Higher Level Soul Searching)
July 25th to Aug 11th -- Flying to Phonm Penh, Kampong Chnnang, Siem Reap (OCIP)
Aug 17th -- YEAR 3 BEGINS !!!!
Oct 3rd to Oct 11th (Tentative) -- Flying to Germany !!! (TA-ing for BSM under Menkhoff)
Dec 2nd - Dec 31st (Tentative) -- Either Korea, Vietnam, or Australia

For now, I better study for my final exams first and look forward
to all those events mentioned above to happen. MUAHAHAHA !!!

Someone shoot me in the head, PLEASE !

2009-04-06T12:53:00.004+08:00

I just started on my Introduction to Political Science
revision and it is already killing me !! AHHHHHH !!!!
There are like so many chapters to read and to make
things worse, there are like 2 freaking books !!!!
To make things even worse, there are pre-posted
final exams essay questions to prepare. 20 questions
are given but only 4 are going to be tested. AHHHH !
So much things to prepare and so little time.

I am just so tempted to tell her to stop calling or
sms me. Communicating with her is just painful
these days because she only contact me when she
needs to know critical information about the exams
or the school administration matters. Other than
that, I hear nothing from her. She does not even ask
how am I doing and how is study week coming along
for me. Somehow, I am feeling my old bastardy self
coming back again but it will only be towards her alone.
MUAHAHAHHHAHA !!!! She has already chosen the path
that she wants to take and we are definitely not walking
on the same path.

I have found a certain level of acceptance within me
that I will be staying single and she is not making things
easier for me in the letting go process. I must say I do
not love her anymore and I'm determined to stop missing
her entirely. (i did not contact her for the last 3 days until
she smsed me this morning but I shoo her away). I guess
I had enough of her bad attitude towards me these days
that I do not see a point in being nice to her anymore. Since
she has already found someone who is "nicer and sweeter"
than me, she can depend on that person entirely. Her future
are no longer in my hands and I cannot advise her what she
should do for her school life, even though I am damn good
at it. HAHAHAHA !!! EGO !! But please be clear, I do not hate
her at all. I just want her to let me live on own life without
her interfering.

I want to thank GOD for all the people that HE has appointed
to come talk to me when I am at the lowest point of my life
and brought me back to my walk with GOD once again after
walking a different path for about 8 years. I really appreciate
all those who were there for me and I do not know how to
thank them. Now, I am just taking my time to find my goals
again and get myself refocus with the priorities of my life.

Am I at my peak ???

2009-04-04T17:29:00.002+08:00

For many years, I have been looking for my limit.
At this moment in time, I have given up on almost
everything because I am just sooooooo exhausted.
I do not feel like taking on anymore leadership role
for at least the next 2 years and not be committed
in any projects or anything else, except for my
school work. It seems like it is a built up of events
that led me to the state that I am in right now. I
do not think my failed relationship is the main
cause but I believe that was my breaking point.

The stress and emotional distress got so bad and
overwhelming that I just could not take it. I need
to get myself to a neutral state, meaning that I've
no other secondary duties but my primary duty,
which is to settle my degree. Now, I am sort of
unsure of what I want anymore, where I should
go, what kind of person that I want to be, how
can I achieve happiness and many other doubts.
I was wondering to myself, is this really my peak?

I can't wait for this semester to be over and let me
use the summer holidays to sort myself out. BUT, I
can only officially do that when I finish my Term 3A.
Although I am feeling much better about several
things, I just don't feel enthusiastic about a lot of
things and this is not a good sign because I was
once an individual who never gives up on anything
and I never feel anything is impossible. I just want
my old bastardy self back. I need to do some soul
searching and refocus my life.

As of this morning at about 10am, I have taken the
first step to recovery by booking my air tickets to
Istanbul Turkey. MUAHAHHAHAHAHA !!!! Higher
level soul searching comes at a higher cost. HAHA !
But before I can start planning what I want to do
over there, I must mug my ass off and study for
the finals !!!!

One more to go !

2009-04-01T14:16:00.000+08:00

Just finished my finance presentation. Tried my
best to explain the Modigliani Miller Proposition
to the class and I am convinced that they are lost
even though I have simplified it as much as I can
already. HAHA ! I think we did alright. Felt a little
more relieved but then there is still the political
science individual assignment to go and I have
not even discuss the case study with my team
mates yet. It is going to be a tough few days to
get that bloody case study done and then start
on my revision. At least for now, my ethics is
sort of revised. HAHAHAHA !!!

Got blasted by OSL yesterday and it has been
sometimes since i got blasted by someone.
Their reason for blasting me is being a sad
face that they have lost their confidence in me
leading an overseas community service project.
I do not totally accept the doubts OSL have in
me but I do not see a point to argue back. I
am aware of what I am capable of and I tried
what I could to rectify the situation. If I do not
take any ownership of the project, I would have
not taken this up and left this project sometime
back. Anyhow, whatever they say does not really
affect me. We're just a group of students who
want to do good for another community. =)

There are 2 more teams presenting their finance
topics and I feel like sleeping already. HAHA !
If I were listening to them, why am I here BLOGGING !
MUAHAHAHHAHA !! Feeling super sleepy now.
And there is still the horrible political science
seminar coming. I hope today's class is short
then I can go home to rest...

Self Motivation

2009-03-31T00:12:00.000+08:00

Ever since the start of the year, I have not been
feeling my best because of some incident.
Even though things are getting better and I am
feeling myself again, I am not totally healed yet.
I guess it takes time for wounds to heal.

I regret a lot feeling depress and emo but even
though my mind knows that I should not be
feeling this way, my heart just cannot resist it.
Because I was emotionally affected, I did not
have to mood to listen in class and therefore
my school work got affected. However, by God's
grace, I was able to find some form of motivation
during the mid term break to study and catch
up with my work. Due to the catching up, I became
physically exhausted and I need to find a way to
keep myself going at least for the next 3 weeks.
I found the way today during comms class.

Today during comms class, the class was supposed
to present a story that is corporate related and our
main objective is to make the audience go "WOW !!!"
The main point of my message is that no matter what
happen in our life, we must remain positive and never
give up on the bigger picture. To reinforce this point,
I share a personal story of my past with the class and
I even brought some historical documents of my own
to show the class.

Note: No one in SMU knows
about my past and this is the first time that I share the
story with anyone in a class setting. Due to the explicit
content of the story, exact details will not be blogged.

As I was sharing my story, I can see my classmates
paying attention to what I was sharing and on their
face was this stunned look because I think my story
can only be found in a movie plot. HAHHAHA !!!
I really hope that my story has somehow inspired them
to be more positive in their lives and have that never
say die and never give up spirit. It was also because of
the sharing of my personal story that reminded me
of the bigger picture of my life. I did felt better about
myself at the end of my presentation. I thought it was
rather ridiculous of myself to be motivated by my own
speech. HAHAHAHA ! I guess that I am self-motivated.
But sometimes being self-motivated can lead to a state
of foolishness because you keep on thinking positively
that you can achieve something that is already deemed
unachievable by many people irregardless of how much
effort you put in an attempt to achieve that something.

He will Carry

2009-03-30T15:12:00.000+08:00

There is no problem too big
God cannot solve it
There is no mountain too tall
God cannot move it
There is no storm too dark
God cannot calm it
There is no sorrow too deep
He cannot soothe it

Oh, if He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders
I know my brother that He will carry you
Oh, if He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders
I know my sister that He will carry you

My Love Doctor Says.....

2009-03-27T22:45:00.000+08:00

1. Understand your target audience. You may be able to provide
emotionally, physically, mentally, socially and etc. BUT not all girls
want that. Some want one, others some and others none at all.

2. You need someone to help you GROW, not reduce you to an
EMO lump of clay.

3. There is nothing wrong with saying NO and communicating
what you want. Draw the lines of what you can or cannot tolerate.
Girls like to date MEN, not other girls.

4. To find someone totally different from you is fine, but you need
to click on a certain significant level.

5. For a long term relationship, you must keep evolving. Girls change
and as they do, their needs change. Keep up with it.

6. Find an equal and not a fraction of the person you are.

Some test from someone's blog.

2009-03-06T01:07:00.000+08:00

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because
you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem
solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument
before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do
anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person.
And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you
might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested
in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet
the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas.
You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart,
so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing
any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You
need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve
success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen
career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes
you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time
with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot
find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if
you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

不会消失的夜晚 by 信乐团

2009-03-01T17:33:00.000+08:00

不知道你是否记得昨天
你是我这辈子最思念的人
到如今你已不在身边
你的笑在我心底徘徊

不知道你现在是否寂寞
未来你有你自己的路要走
才明白你已不再承诺
这人生到底带点荒谬
冰封了所有的永远
切不断对你的眷恋
还记得那天你说爱我不变
就算是输了全世界
也想再听你说一遍
我要你永远在我身边

沉睡的人会自由飞翔
在这不会消失的夜晚
任凭一切都化成云烟
对你的思念永远不变

My all time favourite chinese song now. Very meaningful lyrics.
CLICK HERE FOR MTV

Breakfast @ Mcdonald's

2009-02-28T13:40:00.000+08:00

Woke up pretty late this morning. I was just really tired.
But at least I got up in time to catch McDonald's before
lunchtime sets in. HAHAHHA ! Wanted to buy back home
but then saw Hozea and Enai. So, I decided to join them.
Haven't had a meal with them for a long long time and
it is good to sit down with them to talk to them about
what has been happening to our lives.

Even though I am not totally over her yet, I can accept
her going for someone else as long as she thinks
that she will be happier. She told me that she is not
happy yet but I just hope that she can find her happiness.
She asked me if I really think I would be the best for her
and in my mind, it is 1 million times YES ! I know what she
needs and what will make her happy. It is just that I do
not have the chance to prove to her that I can meet her
expectations.

As I was talking to Hozea and Enai, it is good to know
that they are still together even if there were difficult
times. Their solution is to work things out and of course
with the help of GOD. There were times when they argued
and Enai was neglected, but they made it through somehow.
Love takes a lot of effort and if a couple can pull through
the toughest period of time, the outcome will be satisfying
and fulfilling for both parties. Their love for each other will
grow even stronger.

There is one thing that I must agree with Enai. Sometimes,
a guy must compromise with the girl and love her the way
she wants to be love. It is a give and take situation. If you
really love that person, love her the way that she wants to be
loved and she will be HAPPY ! Maybe that why's my relationship
did not survive. I did not love her the way that she wanted to
be loved. Even though I am aware of my mistake now and
hope to atone for my mistakes, the future is uncertain. The
only thing I can do right now is to let nature takes it course.

My post after a long long long long long time..

2009-02-26T23:03:00.000+08:00

IT HAS BEEN SUCH A LONG TIME SINCE I BLOGGED !!!
Thanks to someone who reminded me that I used to have a blog.
I have decided to start blogging again because I realised that it is
a good way for me to reflect upon my life and my beliefs.

I was reminded of a blog which has been long forgotten. It was
during the days where lytesmore, vampireunleash, brainy_pinky and
cult almighty would defend the world from all evilness and be there
for one another by commenting on each other's blog.

As I read through the blog, I started to remember the feelings and
emotions that I used to have when I was still in Poly. The adrenaline
was unforgettable. I worked hard for my dreams and fought hard for
my ambitions. I wanted to get into a University and come out from it
with a Bachelor Degree majoring in Human Resource Management.
During my poly days, I was just so positive and motivated. It seemed
as though nothing was going to bring me down and indeed, nothing
brought me down during that 3 years. I was only moving up. I was
strong minded and my thoughts were deep. I feel that I was wiser and
much smarter when I was still in Poly.

At this moment in time, I am still working hard for the same goal in
Singapore Management University but the feeling is different. I do not
feel that motivated anymore and my mind is weak. I am going through
the toughest period of my life right now as the person I thought I was
going to be with for the rest of my life left me. I know that I have done
her wrong for 6 months and it is all because I mismanaged my life.
I have neglected her and I did not notice it until she told me that she is
leaving me on 15th Dec 2008 (the day before I left for HK). For 7 days,
I could do nothing but to wait to go back to Singapore and do my best
to win her heart back. I really think that the issues in our relationship
can be worked out but she does not believe that I could change for her.
For 2 months I tried and I think I've irritated her to a certain extent. I
have not given up yet, but I think I should respect her decision and let
her lead her own life. There are things that I've found out in the process
of trying to win her back but it is not going to stop me from loving her.
I still do love her, but she has already told me that she cannot love me
anymore. I know it might sound stupid but it is not easy to let go of a
person whom you love so much. If your loved ones (parents, brother
and sisters) decided to ignore you and ask you to leave them alone,
are you really going to stop loving them ?

Even though I really want her to come back to me, I think the best thing
that I can do right now is to let her lead her own life and not pressurized
her. I always say that if you really love a person and that person is not
happy being by your side, you should let her find her own happiness
and wish her all the best. I never believe that I can ever do that but it
seems like I am doing it already. I guess to a certain extent, I have grown
up emotionally. I don't hate her or anything and I am still willing to help
her whenever she meets any difficulties. I just do not want to upset her
anymore and wish her all the best in whatever she does in her life. I think
that by doing so, I will also feel better and I can carry on with my life. It is
really tiring to hate someone even though it is the fastest way to get back
on your feet. Hating is easier than loving a person but I am not going to
do that.

Somehow, I felt better as I read through my old blog. It reminded me of
what I used to believe in and what kind of person I was. It seems like I
have talked myself out of the situation I am in. How Ironic ? HAHHA ! I
was encountering a similar situation 5 years ago and I blogged about it.
Perhaps I will have a little crisis in my life every 5 years to remind myself
who I really am and what are my goals and dreams.

THANKS TO ALL U WHO WERE THERE FOR ME DURING THIS TOUGH TIME,
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT !!!

Stronger Now - Warrant

I held you for a moment in my hands
The moment with you slipped away like sand
Through my fingers now
In front of me a choice I have to make
To carry on or simply fade away
I lose you either way
I¹d like to say that it was easy, it was hard
To say goodbye, I thought that I would die

Chorus:
Letting go of you, was so hard to
And I thought that it would kill me but I made
It through somehow, and I'm so much stronger now

I gave to you my love and my respect
But I could never make you love me back
I denied it so
I grew bitter watching you grow cold
My life became your prison, took it's toll
I decided Like a bird that's trapped
Inside a gilded cage
It's right to set it free,
Hurts to watch it
Fly away